


Fight or Flight

by JemWithA_J



Category: Strike Back
Genre: Explicit Language, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-12
Updated: 2020-01-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:14:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22230901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JemWithA_J/pseuds/JemWithA_J
Summary: Set after the events of ‘Strike Back: Silent War’ episode one, this fic looks at Alexander Coltrane’s thoughts after he saves his team from certain death at the top of the Hanto Building.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Fight or Flight

Alex stood at his desk and reached for the drawer handle, pulling it open and reaching for the bottle of whiskey inside. Quickly unscrewing the lid he poured a large glug into the mug which had earlier housed his tea and downed it before pouring another. The realisation of what he had just done had only just hit him and as he lifted the mug to his lips for a second time he could barely stop it from shaking.

“Come on…” he said sharply to himself, trying to stop the shaking, “Pull yourself together…”

Hearing movement he hastily placed the bottle back into the drawer, closing it as there came a knock at the door and he turned to see McAllister standing there.

“Come in Sergeant…”

As Mac walked in, closing the door behind him, Alex pushed his mug to the back of the desk before turning to face him, his hands still grasping the edge of the metal desk to keep him steady.

“How are the team?” He asked, consciously fighting to keep the shake from his voice, “You did well in there…”

Mac half smiled, a little awkwardly.

“Thanks Boss. But we wouldn’t have gotten out of there if it wasn’t for you…”

Hearing him say it brought the memories flashing back into his head and he reached for his mug, trying to make it look as natural as possible, as if it were just tea or coffee within it, not the liquid drug he needed to dull his memories day after day. He wasn’t even sure why he did what he did. It wasn’t a conscious decision. It was fight or flight and his body took over, making the decision for him, knowing that he couldn’t cope with sending another team into a mission and having to bring out their dead bodies. It had been years since he had been in the field or even picked up a weapon. Desk jobs were all he was good for now. Yet being up there, it was like his hands just remembered what to do and firing that gun was the most natural thing in the world. He took a sip, the alcohol burning his throat, soothing his nerves, and he smiled at Mac.

“You’d have figured something out. You’ve gotten yourselves out of just as tough scrapes before…”

“No…”

Alex looked up at Mac, who was looking at him seriously.

“We were up shit creek without a paddle. We’d be dead if it wasn’t for you. I’m serious. You saved our lives…”

Alex looked down at his feet, not used to taking praise any more, especially when he still didn’t feel that he deserved it.

“Sir…I…”

As Mac spoke, Alex looked across at him once more. He seemed to be stumbling over his words. Which wasn’t like McAllister. He told it as it was, he didn’t care much for hurting people’s feelings.

“Yes Sergeant?”

As they met one another’s eyes, Mac sighed.

“I wanted...to apologise. When I saw that it was you taking command of this unit I...well, I’ll be honest, I was pissed off. I’d heard the stories. I knew what had happened to you. And I was pissed that Whitehall had lumbered us with a CO who couldn’t hack it anymore. But after that...I can see I was wrong. I judged you unfairly and I apologise. If being in this section has taught me anything it’s about judging someone on their actions, not on hearsay. Just ask Wyatt…”

This raised a half smile from Alex, but it was a small one.

“You have no need to apologise, Sergeant. Your observations were right from the start, as usual. The stories, the rumours. They are all true. And what happened tonight...it wasn’t a conscious decision. If I’m honest, I’m still not sure how I made it up there…”

“But you did.” Mac interrupted, “You’re a soldier, Boss, and a bloody good one from what we saw tonight. And I’m proud to call you my CO…”

Mac walked forward, his arm out towards Alex who looked at him carefully before extending his own arm and accepting the handshake with a small smile.

“Thank you, McAllister. I...appreciate the support.”

Mac nodded with a grin.

“You’ve still got a way to go to get the others fully on side mind you.” Mac smiled, “Especially Wyatt. But, between you and me, I think he was secretly pretty impressed with that display up there tonight, though he won’t admit it.”

Alex smiled, the first genuinely happy smile of the evening as Mac walked over to the door.

“Night Boss…”

“Goodnight Sergeant…”

As the door clicked shut behind him, Alex reached for the mug again. But suddenly he didn’t want it any more. Pouring the remnants of the whiskey down the sink, he sat down at his desk and began writing up his report, the first one he had written whilst practically sober in as long as he could remember.


End file.
